Friend: “Never drink berry juice. It’s just no good.”
Me: “Ah, why?!”
Friend: “Last time I drank it, I lost my camera.”

A guy with his girlfriend walking outside:
He: “I’m one meter eighty tall!”
She: “No!! You’re one meter seventy-nine!”

~10-year-old Chinese girl: “My skateboard is so sexy”

(The sentence is spoken in Chinese, but the last word in English)

Me: “Do you know what sexy means?”
Her: “It means ‘cool’.”
Me: “Hmm, maybe go ask your mom.”

Being lectured by a Chinese kid. I told him my friend is getting a baby with her boyfriend: “Boyfriend?! That’s not possible!!! If you’re not married it’s not possible to have a baby!”

Another friend (writing on WeChat): “OMG yesterday I worked the whole day, after work I come home and look in the mirror, and I realize I’m still wearing my sleeping mask on my neck.”

Friend went to a dating event in Suzhou: “So I liked one guy and we added each other on WeChat. The first thing he wrote was ‘Do you have any nice female friends to recommend?’”

Seeing two former colleagues again for the first time in four months, two besties from Anhui: One of them: “You look good, healthy!” Second (half chewing noodles): “She means you look a bit fatter.” One: “Hm! Just a little bit!”