This series is called ‘Secret Listening’, from the Chinese word 偷听Tōutīng. I know this can be — and should probably be — translated as ‘eavesdropping’, but secret listening captures it better and adds a bit of jest. These little stories or remarks stood out to me, and show a more personal side of China away from the news. I have sometimes changed names or used the anonymous moniker ‘friend’.
Read all parts in this series here.
Friend: “I had a boyfriend for three years…”
Another friend: “So handsome!”
Friend: “… but his parents didn’t want to help us buy a house so we didn’t marry. A few years later my dad got news from the doctor that he only had half a year to live, so I dated another guy, and we quickly married before my dad would pass away. He’s not ehm, so handsome.”
Other friend gives a slow nod in approval.
Friend: “We’re not really, well, it’s alright. Now that’s three years ago, my dad is still alive, thanks to very expensive medicine.”
Me: “Do you have regrets?”
Her: “No, so be it (就这样吧).”
Colleague: “(During the holiday) I went to my husband’s hometown in Sichuan, we couldn’t buy a train ticket so we drove 26 hours. On the way back we got a train ticket, just 5 hours back.”
Overhearing a teen to her mom: “You used to scold me, said I have a pig brain!”
Mom, trying to sound remorseful: “Yeah but not anymore right?”
Teen: “Only because now in sixth grade, you no longer understand my math homework yourself!”
I married my first boyfriend. I kinda regret it, I only have one guy in my life. He works in Zhangjiagang (张家港), he comes home maybe one day a week. He never participates in any decisions for our daughter, like for example, where she should go to school. I have to decide that all on my own. He has never given me any gift. I told him that. Then last week he suddenly gave me an iPhone 15.
Went to the waterpark in Suzhou, for some rides you’ve to hit a certain height or weight. Overheard a ~10-year-old girl say to her mom: “45kg! So there’s a benefit to being fat!”
“My husband’s father [who’s living with us] his dementia is getting worse… he ate all the candy from my son, even ate all the white cooking sugar in the kitchen. I said you’ll get diabetes this way, he looked straight at me and said ‘No I’ll be fine’.”
Old lady: “I wish I had a daughter. My son, after he married, he never came home for dinner even once. Look at the hospital, who’s accompanying old people? It’s only daughters. Son’s don’t do anything.”
Friend: “When I was seven, my dad cheated on my mom and they divorced. If you see my childhood pictures, before the divorce, I was super happy in every picture, after the divorce I look miserable, always. I live with my mom, she bought a tiny house with the money my dad gave her. Actually, the value of that house has increased a lot.
I only make a tiny bit of salary (like 4000 RMB) and give half to my mom. She and my dad’s new wife even go out sometimes.
My dad gives me money sometimes, like 5000 RMB on my birthday. I first bought some tennis classes but then gave up after going two or three times, then actually… I signed up for yoga, but also quit. The last bit I spent going to KTV alone, and I bought a cake.
My mom always says I should get a boyfriend, but she also says I should go home early, like 21:30! But a lot of events don’t even start at that time. One time I was really late, and she didn’t open the door, only after yelling for like half an hour.”
“I really wanted to get married on the tenth of October (十全十美) but there were no slots available at the Marriage Registration Office, and their staff was so grumpy to me on the phone. I then asked a connection of me to help, she works in the Suzhou government. Ten minutes later I got a friendly call back from the staff: “Dear miss, how can I help? We got an open slot for you, also let me help you preview your documents.”
International school headmaster: “Not so many foreign teachers now, even after covid. Very hard to get them cuz the requirements are higher, e.g. need to be a native English speaker. Also, they cannot have black skin. It’s not racist, it’s just the parents won’t like it, they will worry their children will be scared.”
“My mom never let me buy any games, I wanted Tetris (俄罗斯方块) so badly, my classmate had it. I asked her to borrow it to me for two days, and I put it beneath my pillow at night, I also let my sister play with it.”
“With two other colleagues, we buy flowers in turn. So this time it was my turn! I bought us all three a white bouquet. My husband hated them (white flowers usually signal somebody died), but I don’t care. I like white flowers, so what.”
Friend: “We had a new colleague come to our school, she was so pretty! But after a few days, she had the school uniform and she looked just as ugly as us.”
“When I was young and guys said sweet things like ‘ooooh I love you’, I believed that even they just want to use you. But when you never heard such a thing from your parent, you want to believe it.”
“When he returns to his hometown, my dad drinks way too much. And then his neighbors drag him to play cards, where he loses money. But he is always fine with that; ‘Aaah it’s just a few RMB, let them be happy’, he will laugh it away.
